My man "Buck"

I've always said that if I didn't have kids, I would get a horse. The reaction I get to this statement is usually a laugh, like I'm joking, or just an expression of polite confusion followed by a change of subject. But as the new documentary "Buck" (opening Friday at Landmark Hillcrest) recently reminded me, the relationship between human and horse is no joke.

OK, maybe it's not the same as hearing your pudgy baby say her first words, but it can be a meaningful --- sometimes life-saving---bond for human and creature alike. At least for people like me and, of course, for horse training guru Buck Brannaman.

Growing up, I was never one of those over-the-top "horse girls." No horsey clothing in my closet or pony posters on my wall. But I had a few friends like that and knowing them gave me the chance to interact with horses more than once a year at camp. I spent one summer shoveling manure at some local stables in exchange for free riding lessons (English, blech). And when I moved to New York City for college, I often took little field trips to Central Park South just so I could pet the carriage horses and spend the rest of the afternoon smelling their dusty odor on my hands -- and loving every whiff.

But what topped it all was the brief but blissful six months in middle school when I co-owned a horse with my best friend. Perhaps I've romanticized it a little, but my memories of rushing to the stables after school, throwing a pad on Tess' back, and galloping through the nearby field was the closest thing to total freedom and pure joy I could ever imagine.

Yet, I could never really articulate to people why I would be OK with a horse as my Plan B. I haven't had contact with one in any meaningful way in over a decade and, if you look at my life today,  you'd think I was more capable of becoming a crazy dog lady than a horse fanatic. So what makes me so sure that horse ownership would satisfy me on such a deep level?

Twenty minutes into "Buck" and, for the first time in my life, I truly understood. Horses help you to see--and maybe even heal--yourself. They're majestic, intelligent creatures. They're also instinctively fearful and, if that fear is allowed to fester, can become dangerous.

In Buck's case, he lost his mother as a boy and suffered extreme physical abuse at the hand of his father. As a young man, he was crippled with fear, unable to trust and terrified to interact with others. When he got in a ring with an unbroken horse, he immediately recognized and remembered that instinct to flinch, defend, run.

This understanding is what makes Buck the legendary "horse whisperer" that he is (yes, he was an advisor on the Robert Redford film). He's not training them, he's teaching them to trust. This method doesn't require a whip, but an energy, a stance, maybe a flick of the wrist. In a sense, he is re-parenting himself in each exchange. Whatever it is he's doing it worked, because Buck Brannaman appears to be the most peaceful, accepting, well-adjusted man I've ever come across.

He's also married (darn) and a giving father to his teenage daughter who, of course, adores and respects him. And they live in Montana (CORRECTION: they live in Wyoming, but much of the film takes place in Montana), a state I have never been to but, after seeing this breathtakingly picturesque film, I plan on visiting as soon as possible. (I watched the film on DVD but plan to see it again on the big screen, and you should too.) When I get there, it will take every ounce of restraint not to show up at his front door and beg him to marry me. Or adopt me. Whatever he prefers.

While I certainly didn't have a childhood as traumatic as Buck's, I faced unique challenges in my youth that made life rather unpredictable and sometimes scary. As I grew up, my generalized fear displayed itself as nervous, defensive energy -- a quality shared by just about every horse Buck works with in the film. I've known this about myself for awhile, but it wasn't until I experienced this film that I really understood why I'm so drawn to horses, and why I could accept caring for one as a second-best alternative to having my own family.

First-time director Cindy Meehl's documentary follows Buck on his grueling travels across the country, leading what feel like self-help seminars for human and horse. He also attracts crowds who pay good money just for the chance to see his graceful method in action. His students speak of him as if he's the Dalai Lama and, by the time the film came to a close, I felt the same way.

Don't worry, I'm not going to spend my life savings on a horse anytime soon -- I still haven't entirely given up on the baby/husband thing. While I try to figure that out, my relationship with my dog -- a Mexico rescue with plenty of baggage herself -- will have to suffice. While I'm no dog whisperer,  at this point I can pretty much lead her without more than a subtle request. If only I could saddle her up.